“You should never be home” — Scott Galloway
The Like-Switch details a simple formula for Making Friends.
Friendship = Proximity + (Frequency x Duration) + Intensity
To the degree you have these things, you are friends.
Proximity - how physically close / the “bandwidth” of the connection
- Low: texting
- Medium: video chatting
- High: cuddling
Frequency - how often you connect
- Low: catching up with a friend from highschool
- High: a coworker or spouse
Duration - how long you spend together
- Low: chatting with the barista
- High: traveling together
Intensity - how engaging the interaction is
- Low: sending a reaction to a message
- High: spirited conversation
Discussion
Interactions will score differently across these dimensions.
- Sending memes to each other is high frequency, but low everything else.
- Catching up with someone is low frequency, but high everything else.
Long-distance relationships make Proximity and Intensity difficult. An engaging bout of texting still won’t quite do as much as chatting in person, not to mention sexual needs. People in LDRs often get by by increasing Frequency and Duration, like playing video games over discord every night.
You don’t need all of these values to be high. Plenty of friendships involve meeting up once every few years for several hours of intense catching up and reminiscing. Plenty of others involve low-intensity cohabitation with someone you’re comfortable with.
You can have different types of friendships with different people. Relationships Should Be Limited to Dimensions of Mutual Benefit.
See Also
- The Like-Switch
- The Friendship Formula | Psychology Today
- It Turns Out There Is A Formula For Improving Relationships | by Jonah Bloom | Kinship Mag | Medium
- Relationship ROI: What Are Your Friendships Really Costing You? | HuffPost Life Current Value + Future Growth Potential - (3x)Emotional Expense